she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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