We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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