I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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