turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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