The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
