he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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