i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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