I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
