I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
