Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
