every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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