I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
