My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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