I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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