he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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