just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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