think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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