i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
