Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
