Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
