found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
