12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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