i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
