her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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