I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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