As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
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I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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