My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
