You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
