the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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