why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
