She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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