i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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