hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can text with my tongue
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
