based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
