As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Life is so much better after having sex.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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