Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
