Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
