i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pants are for mortals
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