At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
