I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
