Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
