hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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