Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
