Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
