so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
