Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize