If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
