did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
