today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
