How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
