Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
