U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
