I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
