I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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