It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
