just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
