thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
