I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
