Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
