thus making me awesome and them whores
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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