forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
