Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize