Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
