I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
this is an emotional support booty call
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
