so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
