The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
