i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My ass is underappreciated
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
