Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
