Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you still have your period?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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