look no pants
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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