Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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