You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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