Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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