all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
