I want to stick my p in your. b.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
