All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
