i permit you to call me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
