I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
