The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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