He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
