Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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