No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
