There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
