I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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