I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
